


A Smashing Nightmare

by WildWesties



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games), Red Dead Redemption 2
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Insomniac, Love, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, father son, scared, son - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2020-10-19 12:16:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20657117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildWesties/pseuds/WildWesties
Summary: After the set up in Saint Denis Arthur has a nightmare that Dutch doesn’t recover from his bash on the head, scared he will loose him he refuses to sleep.... it’s up to Dutch and Hosea to help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Played the trolley mission again annnnnnd anyone think Arthur should be a little more concerned let’s juuuuuust add a little more care and attention with a dash of problems

Arthur was lost, lost in a dream turning into a nightmare, it’s like he can’t move fast enough to get his father out of the mess in Saint Denis, minutes before they had smashed a trolley and Dutch had smacked his head pretty hard on the trolley itself, Arthur tries and tries to take down the lawmen that came there way, Lenny was asking if Dutch was ok, he replied with a mumbled I’m ok and that scared him to the core Dutch never mumbled.

Arthur kept asking, and Dutch kept replying with sentences that worried him even more.... seeing three of everything.... Dutch was hurt and from what he was saying it was bad. The wagon moved slow.... horses never go this slow, whys it going so slow. Arthur looks as Dutch again, Dutch is struggling to focus on anything.... then there’s a explosion.... wait when did they reach a bridge and where’s the stick of dynamite come from..... once the wagon stops Dutch slowly gets off and grabs hold of the wheel to walk round to the front.

“ I don’t feel to good.......”

Then...... nothing.

Arthur wakes and sits bolt upright in the bed, breathing heavily and sweating his eyes dart around the room..... nightmare.

“Oh god.... Dutch.”

Arthur mumbled but looks to his door, he could of lost him today and if the whack on the head is anything to go by Dutch might not wake up and here he was in his own room..... alone.  
Suddenly Arthur had a feeling he hasn’t had since a boy..... fear, but not just any fear this fear was from nightmares, the urge to be as close the Dutch as possible hit him like a freight train. 

He scrambled out of bed grabbing his bedroll from the floor and made his way across the hall of the old mansion to Dutch’s quarters. He stopped at the door and slowly opened it and poked his head round, he saw Dutch fast asleep next to molly, Arthur crept in and went to Dutch’s side of the bed being careful not to wake him he looked at the nasty bump and bruise on his head and grimaced. 

Arthur silently placed the bedroll on the floor beside Dutch and laid down, he wanted to be closer but this would have to do Dutch would probably punch him for crawling in next to him anyway.... hearing the light snores of the elder he drifted off to sleep.

The next morning Dutch woke with a groan, headache and a throbbing bump made the room spin. He turned his head and noticed Molly had already gone.... fuck what time is it looks like late morning had he slept that long. Going to get up Dutch places his feet on something soft then it meets a hard lump, looking down he’s shocked to see Arthur curled up on the floor sound asleep.

Dutch despite the throb in his head kneels down beside his slumbering son and places a hand on his shoulder and gently shakes him.

“ Arthur.... hey what you doin curled up on the floor beside me?”

Groaning Arthur’s eyes flutter open and looks at a confused Dutch kneeling beside him, embarrassment struck him and he tried to stumble to his feet only to achieve stumbling to the floor, Dutch places the back of his hand to his sons forehead.

“ Arthur what’s wrong... you feeling ok?”

Not finding his words Arthur just nods gets up grabs his bedroll and briskly walks out leaving Dutch still kneeling on the floor stunned.

Getting up Dutch gets dressed and heads for Arthur’s room, upon entering he finds Arthur sitting on his bed knees bent to his chest and rocking..... Dutch grew concerned Arthur hasn’t done anything like this since he was a teen.

Dutch slowly approached and knelt down again and places a soft hand on his boys knee, Arthur flinches and rocks more.

“ Arthur.... easy... what’s wrong, tell me.”

Still not speaking Dutch comes up with plan B.

“ ok if you aren’t going to tell me then listen to me, I want you to shake your head if it’s a no or nod if yes... can you do that for me?”

Arthur stares ahead but nods.

“ ok... are you sick?”

Arthur shakes his head.... that’ll be a no then.

“ ok...... are you hurt?”

Arthur shakes his head again.

Ok so not hurt or sick.

“ is it to do with me?”

Arthur doesn’t respond but finally nods.

Dutch frowns

“ have I upset you?”

Arthur shakes his head.

“ have I frightened you?”

Arthur nods and Dutch’s concerns grow, then it hit him the whack on the head has this strange behaviour have something to do with yesterday’s events.

“ Arthur.... is it that I’ve been hurt?”

This time Arthur nods but tears start to stream down his face, Dutch’s heart softens.

“ oh son... hey it’s ok, I’m still alive it wasn’t your fault you couldn’t slow that trolley down.”

Arthur sobs harder and Dutch gets up from the floor and sits on the bed pulling Arthur into his chest.

“ easy Arthur breath... it’s ok, so why did you sleep ok the floor next to me... you had a nightmare about it?”

Arthur nods into Dutch chest.

“ oh Arthur, didn’t think you’d have them again.... why didn’t you wake me up instead of just bunking on the hard floor.”

Arthur just shrugged his shoulders and shook, Dutch winced at the throb in his head but ignored it the best he could for Arthur’s sake, just as Dutch was going to question Arthur again Hosea pokes his head round the door.

“What’s wrong Dutch?”

Dutch looks at his friend with sadness and rubs a hand down Arthur’s spine.

“ Arthur’s had a nightmare.... about me... I found him asleep on the floor next to my bed this morning.”

Hosea walked into the room and knelt down beside the pair knees cracking on the way down.

“ he’s not had those since he was a young lad.... is it when you got a good whack to the head. How are you this morning by the way?”

Dutch smiles and continues to hug his boy who in the space of 10 minutes has gone from a fearless gunman to a young frightened boy.

“ yea I think so he hasn’t spoke at all since I’ve been here just answers in nods and shakes; I’m sore with one hell of a headache but I’ll survive.”

Hosea frowns and tries to get a response from Arthur.

“ Arthur can you tell us what’s set this off again?”

Arthur just shakes harder and tightens his grip on Dutch who whispers in his ear to calm down.

“ leave him for a while... I’ll try and get a verbal response later, could you go get me a drink some food, I’m going to stay with him a while until he calms down.”

Getting up Hosea nods and walks out the door, leaving the pair cuddled up on the bed.

“ oh Arthur it’s ok... I’m not going anywhere relax, sleep if you want I know you’ve not had much, I’ll be here when you wake.”

Arthur’s only response is a tightened grip and Dutch responds and gives him a squeeze, hows he going to get him to speak and tell him what’s wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More nightmares seem to plague Arthur and he still won’t utter a word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry about the updates and this is short I do apologise

Arthur had fallen asleep in Dutch’s arms and was quiet for half hour or so.... that was until he was hit by what seemed to be another nightmare.

“N... no..... no..... nooo!!.”

Dutch was so shocked to see Arthur like this it had been in Arthur’s teen years that he suffered nightmares almost every night and Dutch and Hosea had to take turns staying with him in order for him to at least get a few hours.

Arthur was in a full on nightmare and Dutch seemed at a loss on what to do other than stay with him, keeping him in a familiar hold to that of his teenage years in hope that it would soothe his tormented boy.  
It wasn’t until Dutch heard his name that his heart skipped a few beats.

“No.... please..... please......”

“ shhhh Arthur it’s ok, relax son .”

“ please ...... Dutch!.”

When Arthur screamed the name he shot bolt upright panting and sweating profusely, Dutch was quick to embrace him, Hosea just got to the door with food when he saw Arthur in such a state, quickly handing Dutch his food he knelt down on the floor again and tried to get some words out of the younger’s mouth.

“ Arthur son, it’s ok, can you tell me what the dreams are about?”

Arthur recoiled into Dutch’s embrace, turning his head into the leader who was trying to eat and drink.

Hosea frowns and looks at Dutch.

“ I thought we got over these.”

Dutch swallows and brings his free hand to rub the sore bump on his head and winced, Arthur picking up on Dutch’s action shakes harder into his chest and Dutch sighs.

“Arthur..... if you aren’t going to speak I know you can hear so listen good son..... you didn’t do this, I don’t blame you and never will.... ok?”

Nodding into his leaders chest Hosea sighs.

“ he still not talking then.”

“ no he woke up from another nightmare shouting my name.... he thinks it’s his fault that trolley crashed.”

“ oh Arthur.... Dutch doesn’t blame you.... you know that right.”

Nodding slowly Arthur snuggles closer and Dutch rolls his eyes and tuts.

“ Arthur come on your not a kid anymore....”

“ Duuutch.”

Hosea warns,

“ he’s still our kid even if he is grown up.... he thinks he’s hurt you and got you hurt.... he loves you more than you realise, remember his father hardly cared about him.”

Dutch frowned, it was true his father hated him and it took a long time for Dutch to be allowed this intimate with him, the nightmares that plagued him once was of his abusive father that hated him..... now they are about his father he didn’t want to loose.

“ Arthur was the dream about loosing me?”

Arthur hesitates but eventually nods.

“ oh son.... it’s ok I’m here, come on go to sleep you need it.”

Arthur shakes his head, no if he slept the dream would return and Dutch would die..... but if he stayed awake they couldn’t haunt him.

Hosea has an uneasy feeling, Arthur has done this before and it almost killed him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is exhausted but refuses to sleep for the fear that the nightmare would return Dutch needs rest himself and Arthur refuses to let him go

Dutch was tired... beyond tired must be the whack he’s taken... Hosea noticed and smiled.

“ Dutch you need your rest.”

“ I’m fine Hosea really, besides I’ve over slept as it is.”

“ Dutch that your body telling you, you need sleep to heal... come on let’s try and work you out of Arthur’s grip.”

smirking Dutch yawned and winced at the throb in his head.

“ maybe your right... Arthur can you let me go so I can go get some sleep.”

Even though Arthur refuses to speak hearing the fact Dutch was letting him go only made his grip on the elder increase.

“ Arthur come on, you’ve gotta let me go at some point.”

Shaking his head Arthur tries to make himself smaller by curling into his mentor.

Hosea shakes his head.

“ Arthur you know Dutch needs his rest and so do you.... Dutch will be ok but to get better he needs to sleep, can you let go son.”

Arthur knew he was being selfish but at this point he didn’t care, if they could just see what he’s seen in his mind when he’s asleep they wouldn’t wanna let go either, He felt Dutch’s hands try to pry him away but all he could do was try and grip harder, making Dutch gulp at the squeeze on his chest.

“ Arthur.... I don’t want to sound like your leader at this point but I will if I have too.... let me go.”

Hearing Dutch’s voice sound more annoyed he slowly loosened his grip and Dutch slid out from behind him.

Arthur recoils around himself and began to weep Dutch was about to give in and go back but Hosea gets up from his knees and stops him.

“ leave him Dutch I’ll stay will him, go on you go rest up.”

Nodding Dutch went to his room but not before looking back at his boy who’s reverted back to his younger days, Dutch never though he would see him like this again. Hosea nods and returns his attention to Arthur who’s not moved from where Dutch left him.

“ Arthur... come on son, talk to me don’t you trust me?”

Arthur still doesn’t move and Hosea decides to call him bluff if he knows anything about getting Arthur open up is to make out your leaving and don’t care... call it tough love but more often than not works.  
Dutch always gave in and could never do it no matter how many times he told him to let Arthur come to him. 

Hosea shrugs and gets up and goes to walk out.

“ well if you don’t want me me here I’ll just leave and let you calm down yourself.... seems like I can’t help you.”

Hearing that he was going to left alone Arthur gets up in a panic and pretty much throws himself at Hosea who just smirks.

“ Don’t go.”

Now he has a few words from him... can he get more

“ Arthur I won’t go if you talk to me... we can’t go back to the whole silent for weeks with just nods and shakes son.... so how about we make a deal here you talk to me and I’ll stay with you for as long as you need to too.”

Arthur looks to the floor and nods.

“ sorry son I didn’t quite catch that.”

“ ..... ok”

Was more of a mumble but least it was some form of words.

Hosea places a hand on the youngers back and leads him back to his bed and sets him down.

Hosea sits next to him.

“ Arthur look at me.”

Arthur winces but looks at him, Hosea smiles.

“ ok son, what was this nightmare about?”

Arthur sucks in a shaky breath.

“ bout Dutch.”

“ yea I gathered that but what happens... you know it’s just a dream right, Dutch is right next door sleeping off a headache.”

Arthur starts to feel the need to get to Dutch to know he hasn’t died sleeping, he goes to move to but Hosea stops him.

“ Arthur he’s ok, you don’t need to be with him all the time, your not one of his chains ya know.... now son tell me what’s the matter.”

Looking at the door with a need to get to Dutch, Arthur knew Hosea wouldn’t give in.

“ the trolley.... the crash.... I-I couldn’t get him.... he dies.... Dutch dies!!.”

“ easy... Arthur breath it’s ok.. well done for telling me... Dutch is fine he’s been sat with you all morning remember he’s it’s a little bashed up but he will be fine.”

Shaking Arthur looks at Hosea with pleading eyes.

“ no Arthur I know what you want to do... let him sleep, you need to sleep as well... you know what happened last time you didn’t sleep you almost got yourself killed.”

“ please.... Hosea... I-I don’t want to loose him.”

“ you won’t son.... now is it the same dream you get when you sleep... Dutch dying in that trolley.

“ mostly.... but sometimes he dies on the way out after we think we’re safe he says he don’t feel so good and collapses and dies all I do is scream and I can’t do anything.... I-I can’t revive him.”

“ ok ok Arthur breath son with me ok.”

Shaking Hosea embraces him.

“ ok I’m going to try another deal with you.... but you must sleep ok?”

Arthur raises his eyebrows at him.

“ what’s the deal.... Hosea if I sleep it comes back if I don’t I don’t have to see him die.”

“ Arthur..... you need sleep... I’m going to check to see if Dutch is asleep and if he is do you think you can sleep next to him... so you know he’s there.... but you must not wake him up just to check that he’s still alive.... ok?”

Nodding sheepishly at least Hosea was letting him go to Dutch and maybe he could sleep.

“ Arthur what have I said about nodding.”

“ sorry... yea ok... but what if I have another nightmare and wake Dutch up.”

“ that’s ok Arthur Dutch won’t be angry and I won’t either that wouldn’t be your fault what I mean is don’t go waking him because you think he’s stopped breathing.”

“Ok.”

Arthur and Hosea get up and head to Dutch room.

Hosea pokes his head through the door to find Dutch sound asleep.  
Keeping his voice just above a whisper so he doesn’t wake him he motions Arthur to come in and get in beside him slowly.

“ ok Arthur now go to sleep.”

Arthur curls up unto Dutch and try’s to wake him.... just to check he really is ok... Hosea shoots him a warning look and Arthur just puts his head back down and tries to sleep... lucky for him he really was so tired he drifts off fairly quickly.

Hosea watch’s and stays with them in case he’s needed, Dutch must know someone’s there coz he’s moved closer to Arthur and Hosea just smiles.

It would be about an hour when Arthur starts to twitch and breathing coming in rapid pants as if he’s running, before Hosea can get to him Dutch is shaken awake.

“ huh... waaaaa... how... wait Hosea... what you doin here.... What’s Arthur doing here.”

Voice deeper from sleep and confusion from just being shaken awake Hosea smiles but nods to the slumbering form who was weeping in his sleep.

“ sorry Dutch my fault he wouldn’t sleep so I made him a deal... sleep next to you.... he told me what the nightmares are about.”

“ how did you get him to talk.”

Smirking Hosea felt proud of himself, Dutch quickly snakes an arm under his boy and rubs his arm to try and calm him.

“ I called him bluff Dutch said I was leaving if he wouldn’t talk..... he opened up quickly.”

Shaking his head Dutch makes to sooth his son.

“ Easy son... your ok, come on easy.”

Hearing Dutch’s voice Arthur seemed to calm.

“ he seems to want to be with you all the time Dutch better get used to it old friend.”

Frowning Dutch cares deeply for the lad but how long he can cope with him under his feet 24-7 is another thing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So a few days passes and Arthur is clingy to clingy and Dutch finally snaps

A couple of days pass since Arthur started having nightmares again, and every night he still had them and always found himself curled up by Dutch by the next morning, Dutch would wake with Molly on one side and Arthur on the other, as much as Dutch loved the boy this was getting tedious and Dutch was getting annoyed.

It would be on this particular day that things reached breaking point.

Arthur was lounging on the floor next to Dutch while the leader was planning, at the moment Dutch could tolerate him being there as he wasn’t being an issue.

“ right well I’m going to go to Saint Denis stay in a hotel and look at the bank see if we can hit it.”

This woke Arthur up from his doodles and instantly started to panic he scrambled to his feet and he was instantly at Dutch’s side, Dutch closed his eyes and let out an annoyed sigh.

“Arthur... let go, come on son I need some space, I’m only gunna be gone for a few days tops.”

Shaking his head Arthur gripped harder and Dutch forcefully pushes himself away.

“ Arthur I won’t tell you again...”

Trying his best to keep his voice calm, he knew deep down that the boy was scared of loosing him and he loved his affection for him but being this clingy was suffocating and Dutch has had enough.

Arthur hugs Dutch again in an attempt to make the leader soften.... but this time it was the wrong move and Dutch snapped.

“ Arthur for fuck sake get off me.... stop acting like a fucking child, I’m not your parent and your not 5, grow up and get a fucking life, I don’t want you around me anymore..... your..... your suffocating me, I can’t do anything without you two steps behind, I’m going Arthur and don’t try to follow me.”

Arthur stood frozen, Dutch had just literally blew up in his face... only a few nights ago he was cuddled up in his arms and now he was telling him to go away, the look on Dutch’s face was haunting, he still had a bruise but the glare he was giving him was just so foreign to him, Dutch had told him off before but never like this.... it’s almost like he hates him.

Dutch jabs a finger in Arthur’s chest as he snaps back to reality.

“ Arthur if you have another nightmare tonight don’t you even think about coming to find me or sleeping with me in the future do you understand me.”

Arthur nods dumbly, he feels numb and lost his only father that actually cared about him is now throwing him out too he had screwed up.... again the fear of loosing Dutch, turns out he’s lost him anyway.

As Dutch pushes past him Arthur finally finds his words and panics to try and apologise and get forgiveness.

“ D...Dutch... please.... I’m sorry.”

Dutch spun around, anger and malice dripping from him.

“ WHAT did I just tell you?”

Arthur stopped dead in his tracks, he looked to the floor and mumbled.

“ not to follow you..... sir.”

“ exactly so why are you, go bother someone else.”

Dutch walks to his horse, Arthur feels tears falling, he shakes his head furiously and runs towards the hitching posts mounts and bolts past Dutch and The count and into the wilderness, Dutch calms his stallion and rolls his eyes.

“ what’s happened Dutch.... why’s Arthur run off like that?”

Dutch groans in annoyance.

“ oh god not you as well.... Hosea I don’t wanna talk about it I’m going to the big city to stay for a few days and check the bank out.”

“ I’m not on about the bank Dutch or where your going what I wanna know is why has Arthur bolted from camp?”

“ if I’m honest I don’t particularly care.... it’s the furthest he’s been from me in days and it feels marvellous.”

Hosea just gapes he knew Dutch could be self centred but this was unreal.

“ Dutch what did you do?”

“ Hosea he was suffocating me, I couldn’t go anywhere without him following me, do you know what that even feels like, he clings to me constantly, so I told him to leave me alone and to grow up, he’s 35 Hosea not fucking 5.”

Hosea could see where Dutch was coming from but at the same time he also knew Arthur’s history and to be that close to someone was a massive achievement, he trusted Dutch with his life and even though he was being overly protective it wasn’t a bad thing.

“ Dutch.... I don’t think Arthur ment to upset you and you know that, he trusts you and loves you.... I know he’s being a bit clingy but he’s only doing that because he doesn’t want to loose you, remember when we found him... you dedicated your time to getting him to come to you with problems, fears, sickness and injury’s and eventually he did, you know his history, what his father did to him.... the state we found him in.... the fear he had.... he’s fragile Dutch, he needs you.”

Dutch huffs and rolls his eyes and mounts,

“ Hosea he’s not a child anymore.... time he grew up... I’ll be back in a few days.”

Hosea patted The Counts neck and looks up at Dutch.

“ I’m not going to stop you... because I know you need your space right now... just think about what I said yeah... I fear Arthur may not come back for fear of getting shouted at by you again.”

Dutch just turned around and cantered away from the mansion leaving Hosea to frown and shake his head.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dutch has nightmares of his own and Arthur doesn’t think straight and ends up being injured

“ where’s Dutch goin Hosea, surely he knows going back to Saint Denis is a risky move.” Hosea sighs and looks towards the city.

“ well Charles, when Dutch is in this kinda mood there ain’t no changing it, I think he just wants to be alone for while......”

“ hummmm I did hear the explosion this morning he didn’t half give Arthur a good telling off... everything ok with them two, you sure Dutch is going to be ok in the city on his own.”

Hosea patted Charles on the shoulder. 

“They are experiencing a few snags they will work it out and as for Dutch being alone if we hear whistles and a loada shouting we know Dutch is being chased.... but he’s sneaky and knows to avoid the law... he’ll be ok... I hope.”

“ well I hope so... last thing we need is having Dutch behind bars awaiting the hangman’s noose.”

Charles walked off to take watch and Hosea looked towards the city, watching the black smoke circling the sky. 

“ be careful Dutch.” Hosea muttered. 

In Saint Denis Dutch had avoided the law, he left his horse in a back alley out of sight and hitched him to a fence post, and snook through the saloon doors, Dutch’s mind was racing, had he just told Arthur he didn’t want him no more.... he didn’t want to send him away.... he-he oh he didn’t know anymore. Approaching the bar tender he rented a room and made his way up with a drink and food also bribing the bar tender that he wasn’t seen in the area, being more out of pocket than intended least he was as safe as he possibly could be in a city full of the law that wanted his head. Setting the drink down and and taking off his waistcoat Dutch sighs.

“ what the fuck have I done....” 

As he finished his meal and downed the rest of the finest whisky, Dutch felt drowsy and fell asleep on the comfy bed.

_Where was he... why was he near Flat Iron Lake, Dutch looked at himself in the water the reflection... definitely him then as he remembered...suddenly he heard a panicked shout from a man who was riding by._

_” Don’t do it.... come on you don’t need to jump... please mister come off the tracks... walk towards me.”_

_Dutch looked up wait was that Bards Crossing... that must mean Flatneck Station is up on the ridge... just as Dutch looked up he saw a familiar figure.... oh god no, it couldn’t be._

_”Arthur!!!!!.”_

_Dutch ran up the bank towards the track, his movements seemed so slow despite how fast he was trying to move, when he reached the tracks he ran towards the bridge... he stopped dead a train is coming from opposite direction._

_” Arthur.. son come on.. come to me, please.”_

_Arthur mechanically turned around Dutch froze his boy, his son looked like death... pale and fragile._

_” Arthur.....”_

_“I’m sorry Dutch... I tried... In the end I did.... I-I didn’t mean for you to hate me.... hey least I won’t get under your feet anymore.”_

_” Arthur what you saying.... I didn’t mean to say what I did... your my boy... my son.... I-I love you son.”_

_Arthur smiles._

_” Love you too”_

_then the train hits with a sickening bang....._

Dutch woke gasping and panting, looking around the quiet hotel room. He ran a shaky hand down his face.

“ oh god....Arthur I’m sorry.”

In a panic he got up got dressed and made to get back to camp as fast as possible.... he needed to find Arthur as fast as possible and for that he needed Hosea’s help.

Arthur was in bits.... lost and afraid to close his eyes... nightmares plagued him when he tried to sleep... he rode hard and found himself at Flatneck Station.... eyes wondering to the bridge... Dutch wouldn’t care if he jumped or got hit by a train, heck he’d probably throw a party.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dutch’s frantic searching for Arthur after his own nightmare, Arthur thinks he lost everything

Dutch forgot all about the bank, with every bang of the hoof beat on the path Dutch jumped as sounded to familiar to the sickening bang of the train hitting Arthur, Dutch was full of regret.... Hosea was right Arthur had trusted him with his life and he just threw it all away because he wanted his space, the vision of his little boy full of fear.... even fearing him when he would raise his voice or even draw his gun, Arthur would jump a mile or run, Dutch would search for him to find him curled up in a corner or behind a rock, behind a barrel, like approaching a skittish deer Dutch would talk to him and work on the trust and bond between them and in the end Arthur ran to him rather than away and when that day happened Dutch’s heart swelled with pride..... and now he’s just undone all his hard work.... the trust was all gone.

As Dutch bolted round the corner, Hosea looked up to the commotion and immediately started walking towards the Count.

“ Dutch!?.”

Dutch was shaking.... not slight trembles he was physically shaking like he’s seen something so frightening, this shocked Hosea to the core, Dutch was never effected like this, he’s killed and threatened without so much of a flinch and now he’s a complete mess.

“Ho...Hosea, has Arthur come back.... please.... please tell me he has!?”

“No Dutch I haven’t seen him, what’s wrong?”

“ oh shit.... ok ok... we have to find him now!”

Dutch made to spin the Count on the spot but Hosea piped up before he could leave.

“ woah, Dutch calm down and explain slowly, what’s gone off.... the law?... Pinkerton’s? Your shaking you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Dutch looked at his hand and they where indeed shaking oh god was he really panicking about his boy that much that he was completely coming undone.

Hosea slowly approached and stoked the Counts neck looking at his hand it was damp with sweat, Dutch must of rode him fast all the way back here.... something was definitely wrong, but can’t be the law he wouldn’t risk leading them back to the gang.

“ Dutch take a deep breath and tell me what’s happened.”

Dutch draws a shaky breath and tears trickle down his face and Hosea was shocked.

“ Dutch?”

“ oh Hosea it’s all my fault I-I pushed Arthur away I didn’t mean to.... I just wanted a little space I didn’t mean to say the things I did.... I love my boy... but now he thinks he’s alone and I bet he’s not slept he didn’t sleep for long when he could be next me.... I bet he’s not slept a wink since and it almost killed him last time he did this.... and if he does something like jump off a bridge or stands in front of a train.... it will be... my fault.”

Hosea sighs he knew this would happen but not quite like this, he places his hand on Dutch knee and Dutch starts to sob.

“ hey Dutch... shhhh it’s ok... I know you didn’t mean to but Arthur’s a bit hurt from your reaction to him being clingy... you need to go find him alone and sort this out.... hold on what makes you think he will jump off a bridge or get hit by a train he’s not two he knows how to avoid stuff like that.”

Dutch sobs and brings a hand to his face as tears come through his fingers.

“ I-I had a dream... he-he was going to jump Hosea... oh god he was going to jump off Bards Crossing.... but then a train hit him.... it was horrible Hosea the bone crushing bang.... it was oh god.”

“ shhhh easy Dutch easy, calm down it was just a nightmare.... now you know how Arthur feels that he thinks he was going to loose you, and now you had a dream that you lost him.... now you want to find him and cling to him.... am I right.”

Dutch looks down sheepishly letting his hand grip the reins again and nods.

“ yea I want my boy in my arms out of harms way and not let him be on his own again.... but he won’t trust me again....”

Hosea smiles and shakes his head.

“ don’t be so sure Dutch.... he wants you more than you or he realise... it might take some time for the trust to be rebuilt and he may be unsure if he can approach you or stay with you and you may find he will ask all the time even simple things that don’t need to be asked about just to make sure your ok with it.... but Dutch you need to be there for him.”

Dutch smiles and nods.

“ thanks old friend what would I do without you... you coming with me to find our boy?”

Hosea pats the Counts neck and shakes his head and steps back and Dutch looks confused.

“ no Dutch you need to do this alone, go find him take him to a hotel and go have a good talk, the boy needs sleep before he gets himself sick.”

Dutch smiles and nods turning the Count to face the path.

“ we’ll be back in a few days maybe more any problems move the gang we will find you eventually.”

Hosea brings two fingers to his temple and flicks them away as Dutch rides off.

Arthur wandered up the side of the track and looked across the bridge... he had got in Dutch’s way again, but this time he had pushed it too far and Dutch hated him.... he was tired and feeling hot and sweaty but he was freezing cold.

Wiping a hand across his face a thin sheen of sweat came away on his glove he felt sick and dizzy.... only running on a few hours of sleep... he daren’t close his eyes for the nightmares come back.... the images of Dutch dying because of his mistakes and his mistakes that he couldn’t please his biological father.... he couldn’t do anything right 

Maybe he could do something right and die.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dutch goes to find Arthur while Arthur has more trouble on his hands

Dutch rode blind not really caring who he pasted or how fast all he was focused on what finding his boy, he wished he never snapped and let his anger get the better of him, Dutch knew Arthur was the strongest lad he’s ever known but he tended to get sick quickly if he’s run down or not sleeping, Dutch and Hosea put it down to his poor start in life which weakened his immune system. They would make sure he got plenty of food and rest.... but as of late he hasn’t been looking after him like he should be running him into the ground with jobs rather than making sure he was getting his rest. After the last time it had scared Dutch so much that he would personally see to it that Arthur was settled in his sleep and comfortable.

Tears streaked down Dutch’s face as he rode. As much as he didn’t want to find him by the bridge it was the only thing he had to go on.... a dream a stupid dream of all things.

Arthur was about to walk down the tracks when a voice stopped him.

“ well Mister Morgan fancy seeing you again.”

Arthur froze he knew that voice anywhere.

“ Milton.... what a pleasant surprise.”

“You don’t seem healthy... You finally realise that Dutch doesn’t care about you.... you know the offers still there, tell me where he is and I’ll make sure your left in peace.”

Arthur smirked, left in peace he didn’t wanna be left alone he wanted Dutch... alive, he couldn’t bare the thought of seeing him swing he’d rather go and swing with him than watch.

“Still on that are you I told ya I haven’t seen him in months.”

Milton rolled his eyes.

“You think I’m stupid boy I know your in the gang, I can offer you more than Dutch can promise... and by the looks of you he’s not really looking after you.”

Arthur had to admit he was right about not being cared about but despite everything he would never turn on him.

Little did they know stuck in there eye to eye conversation that Dutch was watching out of sight but just in ear shot... if Arthur was a rat Dutch would find out now, he crouched behind a boulder out of there line of sight and listened.

Arthur looked towards the middle of the bridge and then sighed and returned his eyes to the agent who had a smirk.

“Look Milton, I told you before and I’ll tell you again I haven’t seen Dutch in months... we got separated and I’ve been alone ever since... you ever been separated from your family.... I know what you think of him but Dutch is like a father to me and even if he never finds me or even comes to find me I will never turn him in.”

Dutch’s heart swelled and he cried a new... even after all this his boy was not telling them anything for a man of few words Arthur could explain his feelings like a poem. 

Dutch sobbed to himself.

“Oh Arthur you good boy.”

The agent scowled and then pointed a gun to his face Arthur didn’t even flinch just stared down the barrel, Dutch heard the click and snapped his head up to and tried to focus on the figures in the distance through the tears and his heart sped up.... Milton could just shoot him and Arthur wasn’t even attempting to defend himself.

“Well Mister Morgan if Dutch doesn’t care where you are he won’t miss you if I kill you now will he?”

Arthur breathes deep sweat beading on his forehead and not from fear of being shot he felt like shit and he knees felt shaky and weak.

“Probably not... go ahead you’ll do me a favour.”

Dutch’s eyes widened... he had just given the Pinkerton agent permission to shoot him, that was it Dutch couldn’t watch anymore and silently got his gun out and aimed at Milton’s head.... a bad father yes but if he knew how to do anything with perfection and that was to make a kill shot before anyone else.  
Dutch growled as he aimed.

“Just take your best shot Agent Moron.”

Arthur just stood still awaiting the flood of pain that was going to accompany a bang.... the agent took aim smirked and clicked his gun began to slowly pull the trigger... he was hoping Arthur would break and tell him where Dutch was hiding.... Arthur had no intention of ratting on his boss, friend and well father if he could call him any of those things anymore... Arthur couldn’t do right by Dutch but he knew how to keep his mouth shut. He closed his eyes and then the bang rang out, the sound was deafening.. Arthur first registered he was still breathing but covered in blood.

Opening his eyes he realised it wasn’t his own, looking down he saw Milton dead with a bullet in the back of his head. Arthur looked around frantically to find the shooter....his eyes settled on a rock in front of him.

“Dutch?”

Dutch was standing; smoking gun in his hand, he placed it back in its holster and began walking towards him.

Arthur just stood still, frozen to the spot he couldn’t believe Dutch was there he had said he didn’t want him around a few hour earlier and now he had just shot the agent leader in the back of the head.

Dutch reached Arthur and without a word pulled him into a harsh hug, enough to squeeze the air from his lungs, Arthur was confused.

“Oh my god Arthur I thought I lost you... you stupid boy... why did you do that.”

Arthur flinched this time and looked towards the tracks again... he pulled away from Dutch and stepped onto the bridge, Dutch stood in complete shock he was still going ahead with this.

In a blind panic Dutch grabbed him by the wrist.

“ Arthur what do you think your doing?”

Arthur shrugged and tried to shake him away but Dutch only tightened his grip.

“Son we have to move... those bastards will come looking for there leader soon enough I can’t be seen here.”

Arthur huffed and and stopped pulling on his wrist.

“Then go Dutch, thanks for saving me as always I won’t turn you in just run.... I won’t get under your feet no more I just want you to be safe and happy.... now go.”

Dutch couldn’t believe what he was hearing, tears began to fall.

“Not without you son, I’m sorry I shouldn’t of snapped at you like that... I was selfish and after I did it I realised I actually missed you curling up next to me and being next to me all day.... please son come off the tracks let’s go get a drink and stay in a hotel what do ya say.”

Arthur shook, he was tired as hell and felt sick to the stomach and Dutch was here to care for him as always.... but he didn’t want to annoy him again.

“Dutch... I-I don’t want you to shout at me again.”

Dutch stepped up onto the tracks with him and places a hand on his cheek which Arthur leans into.

“Oh son, I won’t I promise... I just want you to be there by my side and feel safe and loved... follow me like you did before.”

“I thought you said I was to old for that stuff and you know what your right I shouldn’t be following you around like a two year old... I’m sorry I just felt safe near you and that your safe with me.”

Dutch embraces him again and murmurs into his neck.

“Your never too old Arthur your my boy, and I’ve always wanted you to feel safe with me... come on off these tracks and let’s head to valentine, I know we aren’t exactly welcome there but I did help the hotel owner out he owes me.”

Suddenly Arthur found he couldn’t stay upright any longer his knees finally giving out, Dutch was quick and caught him on the way down.

“ D...utch, I don’t feel so good.”

Frowning Dutch places the back of his hand to his boys forehead and grimaces.

“You’ve got a fever son... you know how you get when you don’t get enough sleep... come on let’s get you to the hotel where you can rest.”

“Don’t wanna sleep... it comes back when I do.”

“ oh Arthur... come on son, we’ll talk more later, you aren’t the only one to fear sleeping.”

Arthur raised an eye at him.

“ what’s that suppose to mean?”

“Don’t matter... come on Arthur, before you get worse, you know what happened last time we don’t want a repeat of that do we.”

Shaking with fever Arthur clumsily gets to his feet gripping onto to Dutch for support they get off the tracks and head to the station.

“We will get the train in... safer than riding.”

“Mmmmm k.”

Dutch sat Arthur on the bench while he went to get them tickets.

“ two tickets to Valentine please.”

“Sure mister the train will be along shortly have a nice trip.”

Dutch thanked the man and went to sit with his boy he was breathing heavily struggling not to throw up.

“ how you doin son, come on relax against me I’m not leaving you I promise.”

Dutch saw the hesitation, the question of is it ok to do this just like Hosea has warned him about before Arthur could ask Dutch beat him to it.

“ yes Arthur it’s ok to lean on me, come on relax and close them eyes while we wait for the train, you need it.”

Arthur unsure tentatively lean’t against Dutch who rolled his eyes and lifted his arm and pulled him against him... Arthur just melted but was still unsure just how far he could go without annoying him.

“ rest I’ll wake you when the train arrives.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dutch and Arthur head to Valentine and Arthur’s fever gets worse but still refuses to sleep

Dutch forgot just how long they had sat there until the man behind the counter shouted the approach of the train, Arthur hadn’t moved but was trembling, Dutch once again places the back of his hand to his boys forehead and grimaces.

“Oh Arthur, not this again....”

Arthur just groaned in response, Dutch had almost lost him to fever and sickness last time and it was all caused by him not sleeping, Arthur despite how tired and sick he felt just wasn’t giving in and letting his body rest.

The train pulled up at the station, Dutch removes his arm and gently coaxes Arthur to move.

“Arthur.... trains here come on son.”

Dutch gets to his feet and stretches out both his hands for Arthur to take, Arthur shakily sits up and looks at Dutch’s hands that where open awaiting on him to take hold, Arthur looks Dutch in the eyes for any sign of annoyance or anger, Dutch just smiles.

“Come on son, up.... take a hold of both my hands and let’s get you to Valentine.”

Arthur hesitates but eventually grabs Dutch’s hands and the leader hauls him to his feet.

“Your a lot heavier than the last time I did this.”

Arthur smirked but kept his mouth shut... in truth if he spoke he would throw up over him and he didn’t want to give Dutch another reason to hate him.

Dutch slowly lead him to the train and coaxed him to board.

“Easy son, hold onto me don’t want you falling.”

Arthur snaps his eyes shut at the nausea, his face was wet through with sweat, Dutch eases him down the isle to a seat and gently sets him down and sits beside him, using a handkerchief to wipe some of the sweat away.

“There you go.... now tell me and please be honest son.... how you feeling, do I need to get you a doctor in Valentine?”

Arthur swallows heavily but shakes his head.

“Feel sick and hot but cold.”

“Hmmm sounds like you’ve picked something up again.... oh Arthur you definitely need to sleep.”

“Nawww I’m fine Dutch really... prob summit I ate.”

Dutch rolls his eyes... stubborn ass.

“ bull shit Arthur and you know it.... how long is it since you’ve slept and I don’t mean the odd hour or two every now and again, I mean a full nights sleep.”

Arthur shivers.

“About 3 days, it...it just haunts me... I loose you... you die, I see you die.”

Dutch embraces him as he starts to panic and looks out the window as the train makes its final approach, horses following close behind.

“Ok son ok... easy I’m still here.... but your scaring me right now that you will get worse... last time son you got so sick you almost died.... docs said your body can’t fight illnesses very well and that I should keep you fed and well rested to avoid sickness, so please Arthur when we get you inside please go to sleep.... for me son.”

Arthur nodded, he did remember vaguely as a kid he would get illnesses twice as bad as everyone else, John had a cold that lasted a week then when Arthur caught it Dutch was caring for him for 4 weeks and in that time he lost what little body weight he had. 

The train pulled up in the station and Dutch once again had to move a weak Arthur.

“ ok son same again yea take my hands and use me to lean on.... we haven’t got far now then you can sleep properly.”

Arthur weakly grips his leaders hands and they slowly make there way off the train, people started sharing looks of grief and asked if he needed help with his sick boy, Dutch politely declined there offer and began leading his boy to the hotel, half way up the road Arthur sways violently.

“ D...Dutch, I can’t.... I feel sick....”

Dutch readjusts himself and holds his boy up as he violently begins to throw up, the convulsions kept on coming and Dutch could do nothing except wait for it to pass, after a few minutes Arthur was a trembling mess.

“ you ok now.... think you can stand up straight for me.”

Arthur sucks in a breath and nods.

“ ok son... up you get, it’s not far just around the corner and down the Main Street.”

“ M’sorry Dutch.”

As they staggered down the road Dutch had to strain to hear the words.

“ what you sorry for son, you can’t help how sick you are.”

“I did it to myself though.”

“ well true but I can’t blame you Arthur not your fault your having nightmares again..... come on up the steps.”

As they entered the hotel the owner stood in shock.

“Oh my gosh can I help.... Dutch isn’t it haven’t seen you for a while.”

Dutch holds Arthur up and allows all the mans weight to lean on him.

“ hello old friend I need to call on that favour if it’s not too much trouble, I need a room for tonight for me and my son here, I’d like to be in the same room if you please so I can keep and eye on him tonight.”

“Oh course, that’s no problem upstairs 2nd door on the right.”

“ thank you.... could you nip to the saloon and get us some food and drink I’d go but I don’t want to leave him alone.”

“ oh course I’ll see to it you get him settled he looks dreadful.”

Nodding Dutch guides Arthur up the stairs to the room.

Upon entering Dutch strips him down to his union suit and gets him settled under several blankets.

“ now son sleep, I’ll be here if you need me.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Arthur still scared to sleep now Dutch finds himself in spot of trouble

Dutch was sat on the bed at the side of Arthur who was shaking wildly, Dutch knew that if the lad just had a few nights of decent sleep it would do him a world of good but the nightmares aren’t letting up, Dutch lowers his hand to Arthur’s sweaty forehead and grimaces.

“ easy Arthur, your ok son.... calm down and sleep I’m right here.”

Arthur was weakly trying to grab Dutch’s hand and seeing his boy reaching for him Dutch takes it and holds it tight.

“ it’s ok son, I’m here...... shhhhh.”

Arthur was mumbling sentences that Dutch couldn’t make out... just as Dutch was going to attempt to get Arthur to quiet down and sleep a knock at the door startled them both.

“ easy son it’s probably the food I’ll be right back.”

Dutch went to get up and Arthur’s glassy eyes opened full of fever but alert enough to know were his leader was going.

Dutch opened the door still looking at Arthur which for him to let his guard down was a rarity still focused on his boy Dutch made the worst mistake he could possibly make.

“Hey chum... Cornwall sends his regards.”

Before Dutch could react a knife found its home in his side just below the ribs on the right side... pain flared through him like a fire... Dutch gasped and he felt his shirt getting wet with blood, he looked down then back up to his attacker... then Dutch sank to he knees with a heavy thud... Arthur tried to get to him, aware enough to know what’s happening but he landed on the floor.

The man stepped over Dutch and went to Arthur grabbing him by the collar of his union suit

“ you’ll do... get a good price for you.... Van Der Linde will be dead in a few hours so say goodbye.”

“D......”

Before Arthur could finish a hard knock to the head make him blank out.

“Ister.... Mister....you ok... I got a doctor here.”

Dutch groaned in pain as he tried to move to get up.

“ don’t move... you’ve been stabbed.”

Dutch’s hand came to his side and he gasped when his hand met the puncture wound... it was deep. The doctor kneels at his side and begins to move his hand from the wound and moves his shirt up.

“ now stay still mister this is going to hurt but I need to remove the pieces of cloth before infection sets in, looks like it missed the vital parts but you won’t be running around for a while.”

As the Doctor began to work pouring alcohol into the hole Dutch screamed.... the doctor removed the pieces of shirt and began to wrap it... all the while Dutch was in agony trying to curl around himself to get some rest from the pain. After the wound was wrapped up the doctor stood and went to get Dutch to his feet.

“ come on let’s get you in the bed you need rest.”

As Dutch was dragged to his feet, he swayed and he lean’t over on his bad side as his wound throbbed and burned, they stumbled to the bed and the doctor slowly guided him down, hissing in pain Dutch then realised that Arthur wasn’t in the bed.

“There you go mister you rest.”

Turning around to address the hotel owner.. Dutch quickly came to his senses where was Arthur.

“S..ir.... where... where’s my boy.”

They both turned around and frowned.

“ easy mister you can’t get up.... we don’t know, he was out cold though and hauled away on the back of a wagon before the sherif could stop them... I’m sorry I’m hoping he was out cold but he definitely wasn’t moving.”

Dutch’s heart sank he had failed his boy, and just when he needed him he couldn’t help him.

“ I’m... so... fucking stupid....”

Dutch groaned in pain his side was throbbing and he couldn’t help but keep a hand on it.

“ I need to... find... Arthur.”

“ I know mister but you aren’t going anywhere for a while... we got people out lookin but it’s not lookin good, now you get some rest.”

And with that the men leave Dutch to his thoughts and he broke into a fit of painful sobs.

“M’sorry Arthur.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur wakes but away from Dutch, he knows the elder is injured will he pull himself together enough to get back to him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about the long wait

What woke Arthur was the rocking of the wagon, groaning he blinked the faded vision to try and clear his head, from what he could make out was two men driving the wagon, despite his fevered body and now a headache beyond belief Arthur knew how to stay quiet and stealthy. Looks like his captors didn’t bothering to tie him up they must of figured he must of been to sick to wake up or even run.... boy was they wrong. 

Arthur knew Dutch had been injured to what extent he didn’t know but he knew he had to get back to Valentine, slowly trying to gather himself a pain shot to his head his body shivered in fever and he felt like complete and utter shit but right now Dutch needed him just like he had needed Dutch he had come for him and saved him more than once he needed to do this for the leader he needed to get back and help him be with him..... and hope to god he’s not already dead.

Now Arthur had two options does he let himself slip to the floor and let the wagon carry on and by the time they would realise he’s missing they would be long gone, judging by the area the water and the green trees they haven’t gone that far from the plucky little livestock town, they must of had a meeting before deciding were to take him either that or they hid to avoid the law before setting off, either way Arthur could make out he was near Cumberland Falls. Now problem with option one is that he was too weak to run all the way back to Valentine and if the men realised he was missing more than likely they would track him down way before he could get to Valentine..... ok ok plan B then is to take both men out at the same time silently as he could cut a horse free from the wagon and ride bareback back to town.

This option was the best choice but Arthur began to doubt he would be able to say on the shires back he was wobbly as it is while out having the movement of a horse beneath him, either way he had to try.... Dutch needed him. Luckily for him it was dark out and slightly foggy so any passerby’s would have to get real close to see what was going off. Arthur made his choice would of been easier if he had his knife on him but only being in his union suit his gear was back at the hotel... so physical strength was needed which he lacked severely, wiping sweat from his forehead and shaking Arthur switched into memory of fighting his experience taking over illness he crept up silently then quickly smashed there heads together sending the men in a groaning daze.

“ waaaa.... wha the fuck.”

one of the men turned to his unconscious partner just to see Arthur snap his neck and throw him from the wagon seat, the semi conscious man looked and attempted to silence Arthur permanently but only succeeded in a hand to his own throat, choking Arthur’s grip increased.

“ now Mister I don’t know what your fucking game is but I highly suggest you keep your mouth shut before you end up like your partner a few yards back.”

Gulping then man nodded.

“ good now pull this wagon up.... NOW!!!”

The man pulled the horses up hastily just short of the crossing, Arthur was shaking but kept his hand steady to give away his weakness, Dutch and Hosea always taught him to look stronger even though you may not be.

“ now.... I’m sorry mister but I can’t let you live... normally I’ll let you live but I can’t risk you coming back for us or going for back up.... now tell me what did you do to my father.”

The man about to answer just looked at Arthur in shock did he just say that man he stabbed was this guys dad.

“ your what... come off it your about the same age.”

Arthur once again tightened his grip and the man squeaked at the pressure.

“ that’s not what I asked.... what did you do to him.”

Smiling slightly the man turned in his grasp and whispered.

“ you so called daddy’s been stabbed.... he won’t be alive when you get back....chum.”

Arthur’s vision flooded back to the room, Dutch..... the door... the men.... the knife.... Dutch falling.... him trying to get to him...... blanking out........ CHUM.

Arthur growled.

“ you... it was you, well one thing I’ve been taught in my life and that’s never let your attacker get a hold of your knife.”

And with that Arthur plunged it into his chest the man let a pained gasped.

“ feel good.... chum.”

Throwing the body off the wagon Arthur slumped in the seat shaking, his mind whirling... was Dutch still alive, gathering what little strength he had left he slipped from the wagon and used the knife to cut free a black shire, perfect colour for the time of day, after calming it he walked it to wagon side and he used the wagon wheel to mount not feeling strong enough to vault on he sat on the stallion for a second feeling the world spin and nausea increase he had to be strong he had to get back no matter what, looking ahead with determined eyes Arthur kicked the shire into action and seeming to sense the urgency the shire was unbelievably fast.

Thundering down the path Arthur felt more alive than ever the proudness in himself of what he’s managed to do, he felt tired beyond belief but he felt awake enough to to get back and felt strong... adrenaline kicking in the horse and him moulded together in perfect sync, eventually Valentine came into view and Arthur skidded the shire to a hitching post and tied him up to give him something to actually ride if he needed, Arthur scrambled up the steps and burst through the door making the owner jump.

“ oh my sweet Jesus.... mister it’s you... your alive, oh my god your alive.”

Arthur slumped against the counter head spinning and fever threatening to make his knees buckle.

“ no matter about me sir.... where’s... where’s Dutch.”

The owner looked at him with sad eyes and Arthur felt himself crumble... he had failed him he knew it.

“ he’s... he’s in a bad way.”

Hearing the word bad way Arthur snapped his head up.

“ bad... bad way you mean he’s alive.”

“ yes.. weak and definitely not going to be running around anytime soon but alive, he wanted to get up and look for you.... he’s in a lot of pain but the knife missed the vitals or so the doctor said.”

“ oh god.... same... same room.”

“ yes he’s on the bed... wrapped up in blankets doctor will come and check on him later... head on up, don’t worry the sherif is watching everyone who enters the hotel he will be over in a minute seeing you walk in but I got it covered.”

Arthur’s nods and practically trips up the stairs stairs seeming moving as if he’s drunk, reaching the landing he stumbles to the door afraid to open it afraid of what he might find, slowly he opens the door and Arthur just drops to he’s knees at what he sees, his boss, leader, father the one that is always untouchable the one that never gets injured or sick is laying on the bed covered in sweat looking pale and sickly, shaking he looks awful.

Dutch’s mind was jumbled, foggy and he was in intense pain his side throbbing with every breath, he hears nothing no Arthur no Hosea no family.... last he knew was his boy on the bed then a couple of men then a flash of pain.... blood then nothing until being patched up by the local doctor and being told Arthur was on a wagon heading to god knows where.

Dutch was lost in a fever dream of his own when he hears a thud, waking him he thinks the men have come back to finish him off, he opens his eyes and gasps in pain hand instantly on his side he hears a sob a cry and choked up words that sounded like, no it couldn’t be.

“Arthur....that.. that you?”

Arthur was lost in his own pain slumped against the door crying, shivering, and alone seeing his father in this state because of him.  
He heard Dutch weakly calling him he snapped out of his own sobs and crawled to the bedside, Dutch seemed to have a sixth sense on where Arthur is and he let his hand drape off the side of the bed and Arthur crawls up and raises his head to meet his leaders clammy hand.

“ Dutch..... oh god... I’m so sorry.”

Dutch smiles with tears of his own, afraid to roll over to see him, he was stuck on his back but he knows his boy has come back to him.

“ oh... son... what you sorry for.... you came home.... back.... back to me.”

Dutch clumsily strokes Arthur’s face and Arthur shakes again.

Dutch can sense that he’s still sick with fever and has an idea.

“ Arthur.... your burning up son... come on up here so I can see you properly.... your not a dog son.”

Arthur takes Dutch’s hand using his other to shakily pull himself to standing cranes his neck to door and wobbled to close it, Dutch watches with teared pain filled eyes.

“ Arthur come.... left side kid.... so you don’t lean on this goddamn wound.”

Arthur looks to ground and then brings his hand to wipe more sweat away.

“ Dutch.... I... I don’t feel good.”

Dutch huffs a laugh and cringes at the pain that follows it.

“ you and me both son, C’mere you need your sleep and I’m not exactly going anywhere fast.”

Arthur tentatively makes his way over and looks unsure as to wether Dutch is ok with him being next to him after all last time he got shouted at.

Dutch groaned and hissed as his hand moved across his wound, Arthur’s eyes followed and he flinched he had caused this, Dutch refocused on the younger still standing there swaying and as usual knows what he’s thinking.

“ Arthur.... this isn’t your fault son... I let my guard down and paid the price for it.... now come on lay beside me and sleep it’s ok.... I’m not going to shout or get annoyed I promise.”

Nodding Arthur slowly settled down beside his leader and shuddered, Dutch used his free had to wrap around his shoulders and squeezes, Dutch moves to sit up against the headboard his side protested at the movement and his face scrunches up in pain, Arthur looks horrified and unsure how to proceed he’s never seen Dutch this vulnerable before he needs Hosea, he would know what to do.

“Dutch..... you.... you ok?”

Gasping as he settles a little straighter and breaths heavy for a few seconds before relaxing he looks at Arthur who looks scared like a little child would.

“ I’m... ok Arthur.... it just hurts a lot when I move..... but I’ll be ok son.... don’t you worry.... just sleep I’m still here.”

Arthur feels himself getting pulled into sleep he drapes his arm over Dutch’s torso hand meeting Dutch own over the bandages Dutch’s muscles flinch at the contact but doesn’t attempt to move his hand instead Dutch removes his hand and puts it on top of Arthur’s so his hand is closer to the wound and Dutch whispers as Arthur is pulled into sleep he really needs.

“ it’s ok son.... sleep... when you wake I wanna hear all about how you got back.... I’m so proud of you.... so so proud.”

Dutch follows Arthur to sleep shortly after the calmness of family and warmth settling him even the pain seems to fade with Arthur’s hand there.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares still plague Arthur

Arthur started to twitch in his sleep Dutch was in pain to sleep soundly and even more so when Arthur put pressure on the wound, Dutch gasped in pain and resisted the urge to yell at him, he knew that doing so would undo everything he’s tried to do, Dutch shakes in pain as Arthur continues to twitch and mumble in his sleep.

In Arthur’s mind everything was jumbled, full of fever and dreams that didn’t make sense, he saw Dutch bleeding out in the streets, getting his head smashed in on the trolley, dying after they had escaped, Arthur started to weep openly, Dutch who was still in pain from Arthur’s grip on his side heard the quiet sobs.

“....Arthur.... hey son, shhhhh, easy.... relax.”

Hearing the voice Arthur stilled but kept sobbing.

“Easy son.... I’m still here.... relax for me.”

Arthur woke... his head throbbing, emotions running high and a fever he felt so tired but these nightmares plagued him, he looked up at Dutch who was breathing heavily Arthur panicked.

“D...Dutch.... you... you ok, I’m sorry what did I do?”

Closing his eyes Dutch regained himself.

“I....I’m ok.... you had a dream.... and caught my side..... that’s all.... not your fault son.”

Arthur looked down in shame and mumbles.

“M’sorry, don’t.... don’t send me away I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Dutchs heart clenches.

“ it’s ok.... I’m not gunna send ya away.... I promise... come on rest let’s get this fever down.”

Reaching to the bedside with a wince Dutch grabs a wet cloth the doctor had used on him and gently places it on Arthur’s forehead.

“ there you go son, now sleep, I promise you I’m fine.”

“But it comes back.... you die... you bleed out.... I try to stop it but I can’t...I-I...”

“ shhhh Arthur it’s ok.... calm down and breath deep for me.... that’s it nice and.....ahhhh.... slow.”

Arthur tentatively places his hand back on Dutchs side and looks into his eyes for any sign of annoyance, Dutchs breath shudders but shakily places his own hand back in Arthur’s and rubs his knuckles.

“It’s ok son..... hurts.... but I’m ok.... I’m worried about you though.”

Arthur looks in confusion.

“ me... why?”

Dutch just gives him a sad smile.

“ oh Arthur you don’t remember do you?”

Shaking his head Arthur places it against Dutchs chest.

“I thought I lost you when you last had nightmares, me and Hosea thought you wouldn’t survive.... the doc we took you too told us your struggle to fight viruses and infections, said it was probably due to your upbringing..... we decided that you’d stay in my tent to keep you out the elements.... you got a bad fever like this one and..... it scared me..... your my son.... and I thought you was gunna die.....”

Arthur shook.

“ what happened?.... I’m sorry I’m such a burden.”

“ your not a burden Arthur.... your my boy.... if I tell you the story.... promise me you’ll try and sleep.”

Nodding against his chest Dutch hisses him pain as he shifted but gave Arthur a reassuring squeeze.

“ ahhhhh... fuck... gimme a second for this pain to die down and I’ll tell you.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Dutch and Arthur aren’t going anywhere fast Dutch tell him about the time he fell sick because of the lack of sleep

Dutch has his eyes squeezed shut pain flaring through his side, breaths coming in short pained gasps Arthur couldn’t remember when his mentor was this vulnerable, Arthur rubbed tenderly along the bandages earning a flinch from Dutch, Arthur stopped and lifted his hand and looked at Dutch with uncertainty, the last thing he needed was for Dutch to blow up again and throw him out.

Dutch takes a deep breath and opens his eyes to find Arthur’s hand hovering over the wound, Dutch places his hand on Arthur’s and lowers it back down to the bandage and smiles.

“It’s ok Son, feels nice actually, just really painful at times.”

“M’sorry Dutch.... if I hadn’t been clingy if I hadn’t run away... you wouldn’t be hurt.... I-I m’sorry.”

Arthur began to weep and Dutch lifts his free arm wincing at the movement and puts it around his shoulders and squeezes.

“Shhhh, Arthur easy son, it’s not your fault.... it’s mine I shouldn’t of snapped at you..... you gunna listen to the story and relax for me?”

Arthur gives a shaky nod and snuggles in closer resting a hand over the wound in Dutchs stomach, Arthur shakes from the fever and Dutch snakes he’s arm up to bring a hand to his forehead and frowns.

“Oh Arthur.... you was having such bad dreams as a child, you wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t sleep and to top it off you would always ask if anything is ok to ask if you could sit next to me or to even move sometimes.”

Dutch moves to sit up and groans as he does, Arthur moves away to give Dutch room to manoeuvre.

“Now Arthur.... it’s ok come on son, you don’t have to ask me if you want to lean on me.”

“Y..you sure, I-I mean I don’t have to... I can sleep away from you I promise.”

Dutch offers a genuine smile and nods as he lifts his arm in invitation.

“I’m sure come on, you need rest.”

For the first time since Arthur was a kid he curled up against Dutchs good side and sighs in content, Dutch huffs a laugh which quickly turns into a wince as he jostled his wound.

“ ahhhh damn... bloody hell been a while since I’ve been this beat up huh.”

Arthur winces remembering the trolley and the whole crash, Dutch frowns knowing Arthur is terrified of loosing him.

“ heeeeey easy Arthur, that trolley wasn’t your fault, I don’t blame you and never will ok, I’m still here even now after all this, I’m holding you as promised, now you wanna know why I’m so worried about you?”

Arthur breaths deep and shakes but nods.

“ ok then, you’d only be around 15, but ever since we picked you up, you always seemed touchy, scared and very flighty. Hosea noticed before I did, well he always was better at looking after you..... better than me. Hosea noticed that you wasn’t sleeping as well as you should... well me I just shrugged it off said you’ll sleep when your tired enough, it was only when I was woken up by horrible cry’s, cry’s of pain, I went to see what was the matter and you was shaking crying screaming, you was stuck in some horrible nightmare. I gently shook you to wake you up..... the way you grabbed onto me like I was gunna melt away if you let go broke my heart...... ever since that night you’d have nightmares and wouldn’t sleep alone.”

Arthur looked up to Dutch and he just smiled.

“I just didn’t want to loose you too.... I-I learnt to trust that you’d be there when I woke and the nightmares stopped.... b-but that trolley Dutch..... oh god the crash.”

Arthur started to cry and Dutch just held him.

“Shhhhh Arthur it’s ok son, it’s ok, the nightmares wasn’t the worst part, the worst part was when we all caught a cold or summit that was doing it’s rounds, we all recovered without any problems..... but you..... I thought I was going to loose you, the lack of sleep had intensified the bug.... when you wasn’t getting better I took you to a doctor, he told me that your immune system wasn’t good and this nightmare episode wasn’t helping and could possibly be triggers of bad illnesses, I was told to keep you well fed and rested to avoid such sickness...... I had one fucking job Arthur and I couldn’t even do that right.”

Dutch shook his head as tears ran down his cheeks he sniffed but looked down to see Arthur fast asleep, Dutch smiles through tears and whispers to him.

“Sleep well son... I’ll be here when you wake up.... I promise.”


End file.
